Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
