Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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