Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
