Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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