i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I supernannyed him into submission
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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