how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
