The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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