i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
