I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
