Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
