We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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