I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize