yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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