Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
