he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
