Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Damn victory sex feels great
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
