i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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