I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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