ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
