Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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