I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
