Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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