also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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