Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
