They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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