Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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