I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
