i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
