How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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