if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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