he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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