My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
