Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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