ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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