I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
