I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
