The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
