Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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