oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
