i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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