You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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