anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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