it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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