so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
