Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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