At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
