he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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