A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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