i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
