Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize