You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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