My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
