just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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