Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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