Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
