My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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