It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
