I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
