I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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