if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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