So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
