Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
