ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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