my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
