"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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