I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
