I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
