K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
